This is part of Portrait of a Mother hosted by ParentBloggers.com.

This is precious.  My mom and I never got along very well when I was young (the product of a daddy's girl, I was a devil).  She has always been rock solid for me though, I knew no matter what happened, I could go home to my mom.  And, trust me, there were a few times that I was embarrassed to call her and ask to come home, but I knew I could, just had to get over the ego.  She is sick now.  I haven't emailed anyone about it as for some reason, writing it down has made it so much more real.  However, the time has come for me to face reality.  The prognosis is not good. 

How it all happened.  She had endometrial cancer last summer, soon after a hysterectomy that included removing the lymph nodes in her pelvis, the cancer returned. She had radiation for six weeks.  Never missed a day of work the entire six weeks.  They didn't treat her with chemotherapy because that doctor felt sure the cancer was contained.  He was wrong.  Less than 6 months after her last radiation treatment, we found out she has endometrial cancer in her lungs.  The diagnosis was four large tumors of endometrial cancer in her lungs with small spots peppered all over her right lung. The fluid was building up fast and it too is malignant.  After a pet scan, we learned that the cancer is now spread in her pelvis even further and has now managed to spread to her adrenal gland.

For now, there is no cure, the chemotherapy that will all know is so hard on the body, can only hope to control the cancer so that it doesn't spread.  She is very weak, losing her appetite and is using oxygen a lot of the day and all night.  She starts treatments on Monday.  The plan is to have one treatment every three weeks.  After four treatments (or 12 weeks), she will have another pet scan to re-evaluate the situation.

I'm doing my best to spend as much time with her as possible.  She keeps telling me she doesn't need a baby sitter and for me to get on about running the daycare and taking care of the boys.  Sometime this week a member of our family who is too outspoken for our liking made the statement that she "wouldn't have the chemotherapy". Mom's response to that was this:  "You don't know until it’s you, what you will do.  If it were you and you took one look at those two little boys right there, you would know that there was only one decision to make.  The happiest times of my life right now are when those boys are here."

Now, if that's not enough to make you feel like you need to just pack your things and move in with her, nothing ever will.  Of course, that's not an option right now, but I'm not saying it won't happen.  Mom has a lot of support and says that she is not afraid.  Yet, when she is really weak and having a bad day, she wants to hold my hand.  I can't keep her from being afraid, after all, she is the mommy, she is suppose to keep me from being afraid, right?  But, as the two of us lay in her bed yesterday after an afternoon nap, holding hands, just talking about stuff, I felt, for one fleeing moment, like the mommy. 

I have no clue how to nurse an adult.  I have no clue how to figure out what she needs most at any given moment.  I have no idea how to make decisions for her.  To be honest, I don't know if I ever will.

*Photos were taken from an email that I received.  I have no idea who gets the credit for them, but whoever it is, here's to you.

1. Take a picture of the dirtiest part of your house. The room, appliance or area that makes you so crazy that you’ve given up on it.

2. Post the picture on your blog, and leave a comment on this post with the link by Friday, April 18th.

3. Steal the button.

I'm terribly embarrassed about this but obviously not enough to keep me from posting the photos all in the name of winning something.  (I've never won anything by the way).  Anyway, what I'm about to show you isn't really that bad...if we had recently moved it wouldn't be that bad..but we we've been here 4 years...so, yea it is bad.

The first thing you see as you enter into...THE HALL ZONE...

And, only if you dare, you can enter in....

Need I remind you, we've been here 4 years....if you are brave, you can actually go inside and look for something...

And, hey, surely you might be looking for some home made tambourines made out of paper plates, stickers and dried macaroni?  Right?

Oh, hey, in the far corner over there...that's that's....never mind, I can't tell what it is and there's no path to it.

Now, I really can't stand the sight of this room.  However, the way I have coped has been to tell my husband that this room is for him to clean up and as long as he can go into this room, lay his hands on exactly what I want or need from the room in less than five minutes, I will simply continue to shut the door.  Of course, if you have seen the second photo, you can tell that the door no longer shuts....argh.

This is what you see when you enter my house....

And, you scan the room for our gorgeous fireplace..right?

And promptly in the middle of the floor, you find this.....(again, husbands socks that he didn't put away yesterday although the rest of the family did)

Finally, I give you the area that I cleaned up that I mentioned last week on Mrs. Chicken's site.

No words necessary, just look in awe...

This last set would be panoramic if I knew how to use that feature on my new camera.

All of this from a woman who at one time was so obnoxiously organized and a perfectionist that she annoyed the hell out of herself.  Don't think it will happen to you?  Buy your own business and just sit back and watch it unfold.

Yes, the big news is really not that big.  Basically, the news is that I have my own domain now.  MomEcentric will now bring you to this website.  Currently I'm going to continue to host it on squarespace.  But, eventually, I plan to move the host and do some other stuff.  What kind of stuff?  I don't completely know, but definitely do some stuff.

So, there you have it.  Of course the old link still works just fine, it's just that....so does the new one!  What do you think?  Opinions please?

I haven't participated in the blog blast but once and it was pretty cool then.  Highlights High Five and the Parentbloggers network have lured me in with today's topic.  You see, so much is happening in my 5-year-old's world.  We've been practicing baseball (t-ball) for almost 3 weeks and honestly, I get thrills every time I think about an upcoming practice.

I've only missed one and that was the day of my thumb surgery.  I've tried sending my husband to practice with just the player but I can't stand it.  Within minutes of them walking out the door, I get all itchy just thinking about how much fun he is having and how I'm missing it.

My mom never let me play ball like this, but once I turned 12, it was all about me, a ball, a glove and a big ol' ball field.  People who know me make jokes about watching me grow up at the ball field.  Literally, I played every night of the week from February til early August.  I simply loved it.  And, when I wasn't playing, I was watching the guys my age play. 

I would sit and watch my peers and their parents.  My parents never watched me play ball much and I promised myself that when I had kids, I was going to smother them with my attention at every event...not that they are going to like it, but that's what I dreamed about.

I played college sports and to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't take anything for those summers that I played over 200 ball games.  And now, it is my oldest son's time to shine.  And, you can bet your bottom dollar, I will be there, with my sunglasses on because that boys going to shine bright!

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Ok, surgery tomorrow.  I have a bigger and better post that I will try to get in tomorrow before I go to the hospital.  I had a horrible day today and I really need to share!

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In the meantime, go read at Miss Zoot about yelling at your children and MotherGooseMouse about disciplining other people's children.

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That's it, I'm sleepy!

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I don't like my body.  Is that any surprise?  I don't know many people who say that their body is the one they've always dreamed about having.  The big joke I make in front of people to keep from crying is to say that in my next life, I'm going to be built like Janet Jackson.  I mean, dawg, is she hawt or what?

I was really skinny.  I do mean really skinny.  When I was in the third grade, I transferred schools.  The teachers all tried to shuffle me into the first grade room.  I was that skinny.  When I was in the fourth grade, my mom bought me a training bra.  My classmates were jealous.  All I could think of at that time was that I would much rather not be strapped in that crazy thing.  Boys were constantly pulling on it and leaving whelps on my back.  I started my period just a few months later.  That was very unfair or at least I thought it was anyway.

Fast forward two years, puberty was taking a big toll on me.  The hips, oh my gollies, the hips, they just grew and grew and grew.  That seem to be a fairly normal growth spurt for girls in puberty.  Except, the girls in my little town weren't actually experiencing puberty when I did, so I, I was a freak. 

The family genes negotiated well with my bones and those hips were passed right on down from my mother and my grandmother.  Thanks to no one for that one!  The problem was, I also got the big broad shoulders of my grandfather.  So, basically, I had these hips, these shoulders and these buds in a bra that I hated.  All of it, I hated all of it.

By the time I was 18, I had experienced an abdominal surgery that severed my abdominal muscles.  That ended my bikini days all in one slice of the surgeons knife.  When I was 22, I had worked pretty hard to lose some weight and force my waist to comply with a little less extra bulging out the side.  And, for a few brief months in 1992, I sported a bikini.

Here I am, about to hit the big 40 in a few months and I'm overweight.  Two children and lots of cupcakes later, I'm a big girl.  In the last year I've found I was diabetic and had thyroid dysfunction.  That alone could have an impact on my weight if and when the medications to treat each are regulated. 

I promised myself last fall that I would start exercising.  I've used every excuse under the sun to keep from doing just that.  My husband scored a free treadmill, but it does need a new belt.  And, we just keep putting that purchase off. 

So, here I sit, trying to figure out what I can eat tonight that is sweet.  That is an everyday occurrence in my world.  The cook that I employ at the daycare shakes her head in amazement every day when I head into the cabinets looking for cookies.  It never ends.  I crave it, I need it, or at least I think I do.

My goal, my goal is to be running by my 40th birthday which comes in September.  And, I know, I must walk before I can run.

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My husband sits and watches the Science channel and How Things Are Made until it is almost infuriating to me.  I'm not very scientifically inclined I suppose.  My oldest child simply loves these shows too and since neither of them like cartoons (not because I'm some vigilantly, clearly it is because there is too much energy to be burned to sit and watch silly ol' cartoons, or maybe too many nerves left of their mommies that might need grating, but anyway) so when they all three get hunkered down watching the stuff, I get busy finding something else to do.  I honestly am bored to tears.  But, it is not my hope that my children grow up hating that stuff like I do, really, I'm glad they are like their father and enjoy it.  And, I hope that my desire to surf doesn't imbed in them more than their desire to learn about science.  I mean, you know, a girl has to have priorities.

Anyway, this was suppose to be about my daycare and wow, it went absolutely astray, didn't it?  I have a pre-k program that I would argue with the best care givers about in reference to our science and learning.  People are amazed when they realize I've let the kids paint on the windows or draw on the floor.  When they find out I let them mix and pour with real ingredients and make their own cookies for snack, I get the raised eyebrow look.  Sure, when I was a stay-at-home mom and running ragged, I would have looked at the teacher that way too.  I mean, what kind of nut lets kids do that stuff?  I never did nor do I now at home.  And, as with most parents, time and energy are a big deal.  

I do want the parents of the children who attend my daycare to know though that we are working hard to do the things that they might not get to do because of a lack of time and energy.  If that's not one good reason to put out your hard earned money, then nothing is.  You can read more ways to keep your child engaged in science activities by checking out the information here and here. 

Thinking about transferring the ol' blog out of here......any thoughts, ideas or suggestions?